Another Path?

Well it seems that one door closed and perhaps another one is opening? In June we received a call from NEDC saying that they canceled our mock trial and were going to put us to the back of the list which is currently 20 or more couples long and growing. They said they did not know how it slipped through the cracks the fact that we already had two children. Because of that anyone who had no children or one child would be put ahead of us in line. So we basically would never get to the front of the line. They apologized for the mix up and agreed to return our application fee. My reaction? I guess it was a mixture of disappointment and relief, with relief being the more dominant emotion. I felt disappointment because I think this is a very cool way to adopt. When I first learned of adopting embyros, my first thoughts were "How could this be?" and "God is too wonderful." He in is perfect sovereignness is way beyond what our minds could even think up. This frozen life that was created up to 10 or 15 years ago will get a chance to live on this earth, but not only that, I would get to experience the pregnancy and growth of this child growing in me when biologically, it is not even mine. This is surreal to think about. On the other hand, I honestly felt a bit relieved. Maybe it is selfish. I love the stage that our two girls are at and it is getting easier to take care of them on a daily basis because of their growing independence. I love being able to just pick up and go with them and not having to lug diaper bags, formula, and everything else baby and at the same time adhering to a strict schedule around naps. I like that life is easier in that respect. But at the same time, I know God is sovereign and if embryo adoption is in His plan for us, He will work things out for our good and His glory.