Today Ken and I Celebrate 15 years of Marriage

August 20, 1994 was a crossroad. It forever altered the course of our lives when we vowed before many people to spend our lives together. God has been gracious in keeping us and I love this man more than the day I married him. Never in a million years could I have guessed where the last 15 years would have taken us nor to the point that it has brought us. There have been some rough patches and I know that it was and is by God's grace alone that we made it through those times. I am so thankful for a husband that loves God above all else, leads his family, serves his family and has his priorities in the correct order. I often wish and hope that other wives feel the same about their husbands.

So today we made it official on our side. Both of the donor families have agreed to donate the 4 embryos to us and we signed and sent back notarized copies of the contract today. Once they sign their contract and relinquishment, the embryos will officially be ours. I have no idea how long that will take, but I have heard that it can take several months depending on if their paperwork is in order regarding blood tests, etc. After that, we will start coordinating between the clinics in Minnesota and California and go from there.

This seems so surreal. Even as I am typing this, I feel like I am making this all up. I still can't picture the very real possibility that we are not going to be a family of four for all that much longer. I still can't picture being pregnant again nor the possiblity of carrying twins. And I can't picture going back to the baby stage and being so immensely tired! But at the same time, it is exciting and we feel strongly that this is a path that God is leading us on. We don't know the end yet, but perhaps this is another crossroad that we will be looking back on and saying, "Never in a million years could we have guessed where these last 15 years have taken us." Soli deo gloria.

Getting Closer to Becoming Mommy and Daddy to 4 Frozen Embryos

Today we heard from a clinic in Woodbury that would be willing to do the mock transfer and all the monitoring services other than the actual transfer which will be done in California. So with a verbal consent from the physician in California and the clinic in Woodbury, we told Embryos Alive (EA) that we are ready to proceed with moving forward with the embryo adoption! This case is a little unique in that EA needs to get the final consent from two families: the biological mom and dad from whom the embryos were created in 2000 and then the current "owners" (for lack of a better word) who adopted the remaining embryos after the biological parents had completed their family. The adoptive family has completed their family and now are donating the 4 remaining embryos back. Which, God willing, they will be coming into our family in a relatively short amount of time. Is this all mind boggling? I am in awe of how all this is weaving together and seeing God's hand work in it all. Am I a bit nervous? Yep. Do I have mixed feelings about starting all over with the baby stage when our girls are getting into such a fun and easy stage? Yep. Do I believe this is the path that God is desiring us to go down? Yep. Maybe it will result in more children and maybe it won't, but one thing I know is that in it all, God will be glorified.

We Talked to the Doc in California

So we are getting closer to decision time. After a couple mix-ups, we spoke to the doctor in California who did the transfer of some of the embryos that were created at the same time from the same donors as those that we are hoping to adopt. He answered all of our questions that we could think of and he said that they would be willing to do the transfer for us! This would be awesome because this clinic already has access to these embryos and has all the necessary paperwork completed. This would save a huge headache as we have quickly found out that trying to navigate different clinics, shipping eymbryos, and getting the necessary workups done are not easy. There are so many rules and regulations to comply with. Every clinic has their own set of rules and it is proving difficult to get concrete answers. In addition, the doctor said we could do all our monitoring and pre-transfer procedures here in Minnesota and then only take one trip out to Minnesota. Great! So today I called a clinic in Minnesota we have been working with to begin scheduling the pre-transfer stuff only to find out they will provide these services only if they themselves do the transfer. Okay, more rules. We have a call into another clinic to see if they would be willing to coordinate with the California clinic for the appointments leading up to the transfer. We are waiting to hear from them (hopefully tomorrow). If they agree to take us on as patients, then hopefully we will have a decision by the end of the week. Still waiting for answers...

Will we be adopting embryos soon?

A couple weeks have passed and we are still waiting to see how this story unfolds. It seems like there is a lot of hurry up and wait. The embryos we submitted our application for were donated to someone else. At that time, however, there were 4 embryos that were coming up for adoption that we were interested in. From what we understand, there were 22 embryos originally created. The biological mom and dad had twins boy and girl set and then the remaining embryos were donated. The family they donated to went on to have a little girl. The adoptee family is now donating the remaining 4 embryos back to embryos alive. From the sounds of it, they are very intersted in having us adopt them. We are trying to do research to ensure all of our bases are covered so we will know these embryos are able to be transferred before we make the final decision on accepting them. Navigating this process is very difficult and time consuming. The FDA has so many regulations about embryos even to the point that it depends on if they were created before or after 2005. Clinics are also very picky about which embryos they will transfer because having good statistics for transfers that result in pregnancies is very important for the viability of their practice. At any rate, we have a phone consult with a doctor from California tomorrow. He just happens to be the doctor that did the transfer for the first adoptive family that resulted in a single birth. We are hoping that after our conversation with him tomorrow, our next step will be blaringly clear.

Taking a new direction

We let the whole embro adoption thing rest for a week or two...until we received an email notice from Embryos Alive (another embryo adoption place) about some embryos that came up for adoption. This was a place we looked at when we first decided to explore embryo adoption. It is basically a matching website between donors and adoptors. Adoptors can put their profiles on the site and their specifice criteria for adoptors. For example, they donors might only be willing to donate to families that have no children or are a specific religion. Email notices are then sent out to potential adoptors and if the potential adoptors are interested in those particular embryos, they can have their profile submitted to the donors for consideration. A fee is paid to Embryos Alive for the matching service when a match between donor and adoptor is made and then you basically have to navigate all the medical IVF stuff yourself. One of the main reasons we went with NEDC is because everything is taken care of from matching to pregnancy. The down side of that program is having to fly down to Tennessee for transfers and consultations. So, like I said, the door to NEDC was tightly closed, and this door through Embryos Alive may be opening.

We talked a few times with the woman who runs this matching service and she seems like a wonderful Christian lady. She is helpful, keeps us up to date on where things are at, and even asked Ken what she could specifically pray for for us! In talking with her, she said there was another couple who lives in Minnesota that adopted through Embryos Alive (EA) and they had a baby! I was able to speak with this lady about her experience with EA and after talking with her, it gave me great peace of mind. Not only was it a positive experience for her and her husband, but they have already navigated through the medical system in Minnesota and had the transfer done in a local Minneapolis fertility clinic. How great would that be, not to mention the cost savings, if we could do all the medical stuff right in our own backyard! It is going to be so amazing to look back and see how God wove this whole thing together...for our good and His glory.

Ken feels very strongly about wanting to adopt embryos and he was interested in 3 particular embryos. So we submitted our profile to the donors. We haven't heard final word yet, but we believe they chose someone else to donate their embryos to. Those donors are making the final decision this week. As it should turn out though, there have been several notices regarding new donors and we are submitting our profile to another family if this one is turned down. So as of yet, how this story unfolds, is still unknown.

Another Path?

Well it seems that one door closed and perhaps another one is opening? In June we received a call from NEDC saying that they canceled our mock trial and were going to put us to the back of the list which is currently 20 or more couples long and growing. They said they did not know how it slipped through the cracks the fact that we already had two children. Because of that anyone who had no children or one child would be put ahead of us in line. So we basically would never get to the front of the line. They apologized for the mix up and agreed to return our application fee. My reaction? I guess it was a mixture of disappointment and relief, with relief being the more dominant emotion. I felt disappointment because I think this is a very cool way to adopt. When I first learned of adopting embyros, my first thoughts were "How could this be?" and "God is too wonderful." He in is perfect sovereignness is way beyond what our minds could even think up. This frozen life that was created up to 10 or 15 years ago will get a chance to live on this earth, but not only that, I would get to experience the pregnancy and growth of this child growing in me when biologically, it is not even mine. This is surreal to think about. On the other hand, I honestly felt a bit relieved. Maybe it is selfish. I love the stage that our two girls are at and it is getting easier to take care of them on a daily basis because of their growing independence. I love being able to just pick up and go with them and not having to lug diaper bags, formula, and everything else baby and at the same time adhering to a strict schedule around naps. I like that life is easier in that respect. But at the same time, I know God is sovereign and if embryo adoption is in His plan for us, He will work things out for our good and His glory.

We Have a Mock Trial Date!

We talked to NEDC a couple weeks ago and they said they were going to be scheduling mock trial dates for September and October. What this means is they do the whole process of embryo transfer without the actual embryos and see how my body reacts. Last week we talked to them and are scheduled for the mock trial on October 15! This still seems surreal to me. Are we actually going through with this? Will I actually be able to get pregnant? Will we really be adding a child or children to our family by the end of next year? I am still trying to get my mind around this real possibility. But for now we take it one step at a time and trust God because He is sovereign and already knows the beginning, middle, and end.