A Christmas Tradition

Ken started a tradition almost 20 years ago when we first started dating: he buys me an ornament every year for Christmas. When we started having children, he added them to his Christmas tradition and by the time they move out of the house, they will have a nice start to their own tree and with it lots of memories. He puts a lot of thought into it and picks an ornament that fits our personality or interests at the time or something relating to what is going on in our lives. So decorating the tree starts with opening the new ornament and putting it on the tree. There is great excitement when the girls open their boxes of ornaments from years past and remember what he gave them and why they received those particular ones. For those who know Gracie, you will not be surprised that she has several Elmo ones nor for Hope that she has various princess ones. And for me, it is perfectly fitting that I have some pertaining to chocolate! Ha ha.

So this is Zoe's first year of getting her ornament and it was pretty much a no-brainer of what she would be getting: a snowflake, of course! We are still in awe of our little snowflake and so humbled by God's kindness He lavished on us in making her a part of our family.

As you celebrate your own Christmas traditions, remember the reason we have Christmas: to celebrate the birth of our Savior. Our Savior, the One who came to this earth and lived a perfect life. Our Savior, the One who fulfilled every aspect of the Law. Our Savior, the One who was tempted in every way but remained sinless. Our Savior, the One who died on the cross as the payment for our sins. Our Savior, the One who rose again. And our Savior, the One who now sits at the right hand of the Father and intercedes on our behalf.

Merry Christmas!

Pictures of Baby Zoe

It was brought to my attention that we didn't have any pictures of Zoe posted on here. Thank you Jean! I don't know how I could have missed that. At any rate, I now have some pictures in Picasa Web Album, http://picasaweb.google.com/Becky.Legan/BabyZoe?authkey=Gv1sRgCLSh6rPauIm68gE# .

We are so thankful for our little bundle of joy. God is good!

Lindsay is back

So early last week we had a re-licensing with our caseworker. She asked us how we were doing with a newborn and if we are open to having placements still. We told her that until we get better adjusted to a new baby, we would probably not take any placements. The one exception we would consider would be Lindsay since we took care of her over the summer. Not 5 minutes after she left, we received a call that Lindsay needed emergency placement and would we be willing to take her. Ken and I talked about it briefly and decided to take the plunge and see how it went. It has been almost a week now and we have been getting a taste of what it would be like to have twins. It is busy!!!! And tiring!!!! And as a mother, there is a constant battle against guilt of not giving every child what they need. There is always more that can be done, but not enough time or energy. But God is faithful like He always is and we are trusting that He will guide our steps and make clear the right decisions.

Thankful for His sustaining grace,
B

Zoe Rebecca is Here!

Our little bundle of joy arrived on October 4, 2010. I must say I was humbled a bit because I was so convinced that it was a boy and we ended up having a girl. It was a good reminder that my intuition is not always what I think it is. None the less, I couldn't be happier with the little girl God gave us. My heart is filled with so much gratitude at His awesome kindness that I really don't have words right now to express the joy I feel. I look at her and cannot believe that Ken and I have the privilege of being her daddy and mommy. She was frozen for 10 years as an embryo and now here she is breathing and living in this world. It is still surreal and hard to wrap my mind around. Zoe's life did not come as a surprise to God and He knew of her beginnings and her life story even before the foundations of the world. It gives me a lot of comfort knowing that we serve a sovereign God who ordains each one of our lives and the steps we take. As each of our stories are told, may they continue to point back to our God and Savior.

Grateful for His goodness,
B

Baby Arrives Tomorrow!

This will be the last post before baby arrives, but it certainly isn't the end of this baby's story. I am excited to see God's plan for this baby unfold and to have a front row seat in watching it. God is so good and so kind and I am in awe of how He works all things for His glory and our good. I pray that we will be good stewards of this little life and point him (or her) to the gospel.

Looking forward to meeting you little baby and holding you in my arms,

mommy

Biding My Time

Time is ticking and it is exactly 28 days from today that we will meet our little one. The C-section is scheduled for October 4 at 8am. Although I am getting a bit uncomfortable now, I am looking forward to this last month of spending quality time with the girls and getting into a good school routine.

Some may know or not know that we took care of a newborn this summer through the foster care system. She came at 3 weeks (born 4 weeks premature) and left at 3 months which was just over a week ago. Let me tell you, this added responsibility made the summer and last couple months of pregnancy zoom by! It was so exhausting, but God's grace was sufficient in our times of need. Although we just went through the whole newborn stage and get to do it all again in a month, I don't think we would have changed it. We got to see a little baby begin to thrive, hopefully planted some seeds in the parents, and if nothing else, we get to pray for little Lindsay and her well-being and salvation for the rest of our lives. It was a sad sad day to let her go, but thankfully we have a sovereign God in whom we can take comfort. It looks like we may be involved in the mom and baby's life in some capacity, but we just don't know what that will look like yet.

I say all that to say I am thankful for this month of relative rest before we do it all over again. Except this time, this baby doesn't have to leave.

Be encouraged that we serve a sovereign God and we can rest in His ordained plans over our lives.

For His glory,
B

Getting There!

In March of this year, I finished a total of 77 progesterone shots. Sometimes they burned and hurt, and at other times they didn't. But it felt like they would never end. Now as of yesterday, there were only 77 days left before the baby arrives. Day to day activity might seem to move slow, but when you look back on chunks of time, it really does go fast. Looking forward to meeting little baby Roman or Zoe....

We Finally Decided on a Girl's Name

Let me start by saying, we do not know if it is a girl or a boy.

We decided on our boy's name several months ago: Roman Ean after Romans chapters 8 and 9. The debate with the girl's name was if we would stick with the theme we have going (Hope and Grace) and add a Faith or Joy or veer from that with something else.

A week or two ago, a name popped into my head which I thought would fit perfectly. I threw it out to Ken and he agreed immediately. As many of you know, we love the symbolism that names can hold, so the name we have chosen is Zoe. It is of Greek origin and means "life." How perfect to be able to sum up in one word the story of this baby's life. Frozen for 10 years, through God's sovereign hand, this baby will be entering the world on October 4, 2010. My hope is that if it is a girl, her life and story will be reminder to us and to those that know her that we were once dead in our sins and it is only by God's revelation to us that we were brought to life through Christ. Not only were our sins forgiven, but we were also credited with Christ's righteousness. God sees us as righteous and has adopted us as co-heirs with Christ! How can we grasp the enormity of what was done on our behalf?

All I can say is God is good and I have been given way more than I deserve.

Looking forward to meeting this little baby boy or girl....

The Big Reveal!!!

It is hard to believe, but I am over half way done with this pregnancy! I am feeling great and have even started running a bit again. My goal is to be able to run a 5K with my 6 year old on Labor Day. I have been doing this run for the past 12 years or maybe even longer. I am hoping that I will at least still be able to keep up with the walk/run pace of Gracie.

Well...we had the big ultrasound yesterday and the big reveal is....we didn't find out if it is a boy or a girl. There was much debate going into this ultrasound, but in the end Ken decided that he really wanted to keep the anticipation going for another 19 weeks or so. It is just like Ken to keep stirring things up as long as possible. I know I would not have been able to resist the temptation of knowing, but he remained steadfast. However, as much as can be told by ultrasound, baby looked perfect. I am so excited to meet this little guy, or little lady, whichever the case may be.

We do have a boy's name picked out and I can reveal that. Unless something else changes our minds, he will be called Roman Ean. We very much love significance in names and he is named after Romans chapters Eight And Nine which, in my opinion, rank up there as two of the most awesome chapters in the Bible. Through God's sovereign choice (not any work or good of our own), we who were dead in sin, are now alive in Christ. We have received the spirit of adoption and are heirs with Christ. What hope is in these chapters!

Now a girl's name is still up in the air. Ken would like to stick with the theme we have going and add a Joy or a Faith to the girls we already have, Hope and Grace. I am not sold on the idea and have offered Hannah as a pretty alternative. The jury is still out on this one. We still have 4 months to agree on something. But, if my gut feeling is correct, a girl's name won't even be an issue.

My prayer is that this baby's story and life, whatever path it takes, will all point to our awesome Saviour.

For His glory,
B

Thankful for This Little Baby

I am in that stage that everyone who has had a child has been in: my clothes are too small and maternity clothes are too big. I have spent too much time over the past couple days just trying to find something that looks half-way decent. BUT, I wouldn't trade it for anything. :-)

I am so humbled and still in awe that God in His kindness, has not only allowed Ken and I to have another child through adoption, but in His ways that are infinitely higher than ours, He is allowing me to carry and grow this baby in my womb. Who am I that He would lavish such a kindness upon me?

I guess what it comes down to is that it has nothing to do with me and everything to do with Him. My desire is that this story, this pregnancy, this upcoming birth, and that this baby's life with sing forth praises to Him and that through it all, God will be glorified.

With a grateful heart,
Becky

Baby's Due Date

So I had my first "official" OB appointment yesterday. I was released from the reproductive embryology doctor last week and I only have 2 more shots left! Let's see, that has been a total of about 77 shots. Yeah, for being done. I got to hear the baby's heartbeat and it was beautiful. That sound never grows old.

My due date is 10/10/10. And the embryo is 10 years old. Weird, huh? Maybe I should look into the meaning of the number 10. There were lots of 10's in the Bible: ten commandments, 10 plagues, 10 specific passovers recorded in the Bible, ten I AM's of Jesus in John, 10 generations of patriarchs before the flood, 10 generations between Noah and Abraham.

Rejoicing in God's goodness,

Becky

Baby Looked Perfect Today!

We had our third ultrasound today and I am only 8 weeks along! Hopefully that will be the last one until 20 weeks or so. Everything looked perfect. Hope and Gracie were able to come and they saw the heartbeat and even got to take home their own picture of the baby. My hormone levels were a little low on the blood tests, so that means a little while longer with shots and medication patches. I can't wait to be done with that part. But God is always good and He is always faithful and to Him be all the glory.

Gladness for Sorrow Today!

God is so kind. This has been a really long week waiting for today's ultrasound, even longer than the wait to see if we were even pregnant. I thought for sure I had miscarried and so this week was filled with lots of emotion. The pregnancy symptoms I had been feeling completely disappeared this past week-all of them. This is what happened last time I miscarried. So I went to the ultrasound this morning with little hope and was completely shocked and once again amazed at our amazing God. There was a perfect little heartbeat that became immediately visible as soon as the ultrasound head was placed on my stomach. The technician was surprised at how quickly and easily it was to see. So today my tears of sorrow are now tears of joy. I still cannot believe it. I am once again humbled and brought low because this great God cares for us so. May all glory be brought to God whether in times of sadness or in times of joy. Today is a day of joy.

Thoughts Today

We will be having a second ultrasound on Friday. The great thing about embryo transfers is you get to have all these extra ultrasounds. And what mom doesn't like to see pictures of their growing babies? Medical technology is amazing. Anyways, this ultrasound is to hear the heartbeat! It will also be a mile marker for me because this will mean that I get to stop taking one of the medications that is helping me maintain this pregnancy. Since this is not a natural pregnancy, my body is essentially being tricked into thinking it is pregnant through medication until my body will take over for itself. So that will be an exciting moment. What will really be exciting is when I don't have to have daily shots (in about 6 more weeks)!

I have to admit though that I am feeling a little anxious about miscarrying. Perhaps it is because I have miscarried twice before or maybe I am questioning whether I am doing everything "right" with following the protocol for a frozen embryo transfer or wondering if there is something more I should be doing. Again, I have to go back to the fact that God is sovereign. He knows all things, He ordains all things, and His plans are not thwarted because of my worries. So I will rest in the words that Job spoke to God and let them be my words to God, "I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2

To God be all the glory.

First Ultrasound!

Well, we had our first ultrasound last week. It was a 5 week ultrasound to basically determine the number of babies. Hope, Gracie, and Krista (our foster daughter), all got to come with me, so we could find out at the same time. The blood tests showed hormone levels going up nicely and indicated one baby for sure, but were not high enough to say multiples. The ultrasound showed a single pregnancy. I am so incredibly thankful that we were blessed with another baby, but I am not going to lie. I was a little disappointed. Though it would be a ton more work for us, I was hoping for the sake of this baby that there would be a twin. Hope and Gracie are going to be so much older than him or her, that I, in my finite mind, think it would be better to have another sibling to grow up with. But you know what? God is sovereign and if this is what is in His plan, who am I to question it? Aren't His plans always better than ours? Doesn't He know us better and love us more and know the plans that are already laid out for our lives and for this baby's life. So I will rest in that fact His plan is perfect, mine is not, and He will be glorified. I have a feeling that this is a year where I will have to be reminded often of His sovereignty in and over all things. God is good!

Hope's Journal Entry

Hope and Gracie have journals that they write in about once per week for school. I give them something to write about and then they can say whatever they want. So today I had them write about the news of the baby or babies. We told them about it yesterday (how we adopted embryos, that three were transferred into me, etc.) and then went to the store so they each could pick out a blanket for the baby. Hope, our analytical one, asked all kinds of questions throughout the day and kept saying she was in shock.

This is Hope's journal entry (edited for spelling). I thought it was cute and I didn't even know she knew the word estimate.

Mommy and Daddy went to California and Mommy and Daddy adopted triplets. And Mommy had to grow them in her tummy. We found out yesterday. And she has to get shots every day until they are at least 12 weeks. My estimate is 2 babies survive-and 1 boy and 1 girl. And if all three survive, I don't have an estimate for that because well, I don't know. I can't wait till Mommy has the baby or babies. I want to know what they are.

Update.2

The clinic called today and said the numbers looked good! She also said that the numbers indicated a single birth. However, it will be more definite over the next week as they repeat the blood test and do an early ultrasound next week. God is good!

Update

I had the blood test done today and the lab said they probably would not have the results until late today or tomorrow. That was a disappointment. However, I did take a pregnancy test and it was positive! We are excited about that, but I really wanted to know the numbers. I guess one more day won't kill me.

We're Waiting....

Okay, so this 11 days of waiting until we find out if we are pregnant is creeping by. The first few days went quickly, but there are still 5 days left until HCG levels are checked. Check back on February 2 for the answer!

While we are waiting, I thought it might be interesting to write down some things we know about these embryos and the biological donors:

22 embryos were created in October 2000- a little over 9 years ago!

4 were transferred to the biological mother and 9 were frozen. I am assuming that means the rest didn’t survive.

They had twins-a boy and a girl on the first round of IVF!

In 2008, they felt they had completed their family.

They did not destroy the remaining 9 embryos! Life begins at conception.

They donated the 9 remaining embryos to a family which resulted in a single birth of a little girl in 2008.

This family felt they had completed their family and donated the remaining 4 to us in 2009!

On January 21, 2010, three of the four survived the thaw.

We transferred the three embryos in California and here we wait and wait and wait.

Facts about the biological mother and father:

Mom: 5’2”, dark blond hair and hazel eyes. She enjoys cross stitching, scrapbooking, and crafting.

Dad: 5’11”, brown hair and blue eyes. He enjoys hunting.

Something I found interesting: The biological mom’s name is Cheryl and the first adoptive mom’s name is Rebecca. They share my mom’s (Cheryle) and my names! Is that correct grammar???

The biological mom and dad wanted a closed adoption, so this is probably all we will ever know of them. They want to know from us if a pregnancy resulted, how many children and if they are boys or girls.

Thank you to everyone who have been praying for us. May God continue to be glorified through every step of this amazing journey!

Some Miscellaneous Pictures

Top: Me and my nurse Dawn from our clinic in California. I felt like I knew her because we have talked so many times on the phone, but today was the first day, we were able to put faces with names.

Middle: Getting ready to go into the procedure room for the transfer.

Bottom: Ken preparing one of the daily shots I get to take for the next 12 weeks.

Introducing our Little Snowflakes

Aren't they Precious?

"Wilbur" is the Bottom Embie.


We made it to Los Angeles without incident and we have learned that the traffic is really as bad as they say. It makes me thankful for living in Minnesota even if we do have to endure long cold winters.
Ken and I have spent the last couple days guessing how many embryos would survive. Being numbers and analytical people, we went with statistics and guessed two would survive. I thought that would be great, but I was hoping for three. Normal protocol at this clinic is to transfer two, but they will transfer three on occasion if additional paperwork is signed.
The embryologist came into the room and as she was getting settled, I saw a paper with a picture of 3 embryos. I quickly asked, "Do we have three embryos?" She looked a little apologetic and said yes and held her breath. I was so excited, started clapping and said, "Yeah, that is what I was hoping for!" She was visibly relieved that we were happy about this. I am not sure why, perhaps because it wasn't their typical protocol?
So, the answer is they successfully transferred 3 embryos! The smallest one has only 4 cells or so, so we are calling him Wilbur after the runt piglet in Charlotte's Web.
Next steps? I am currently on 48 hours strict bedrest and Ken is treating me like a princess. I don't think I have ever laid still this long, but I brought 10 books and a computer, so I think I will enjoy this mandatory respite.
Next big mile marker? Blood test on February 2 to see if any "stuck". We won't know how many there are until a later ultrasound, but they should have an indication if there is more than one that survived depending on the HCG levels. It is going to be a long 11 day wait.
God is sovereign and we are trusting in His plan for these little babies no matter the outcome.

What I learned today

This is what I learned today:

1. Progesterone shots don't hurt...that much.
2. Ken is really good at giving shots.

:-)

The Transfer Date is Almost Here!

We are getting so close to the actual transfer date! We fly out to California on Wednesday, January 20 and have the transfer done the next day. I have been talking almost daily with the nurse in preparation for this. On Tuesday, they are actually thawing the embryos and we will find out how many survived the thaw and that of course will determine how many will be transferred. Assuming they survive, we will have a maximum of three embryos transferred. We haven't actually decided if we are going to keep that a secret or let everyone know right away how many are transferred. This is how it is going to work. The embryos are in two straws, two in each straw. The lab is going to thaw one straw. If they both survive, then those two will be transferred and the other two will remain frozen for right now. If none survive or one survives, they will thaw the other straw. So that makes it a maximum of three embryos transferred which is the maximum they will transfer. Once they are thawed, they will grow them in the lab until Thursday to let them get a little bit older. Weird, huh?

Statistics say that 50% of embryos will survive the thaw and of those maybe 30%-40% will result in pregnancy. Being a number person, I ran the numbers on this batch of embryos (22 were created at the same time around 2000). Three pregancies have resulted which is a 21% success rate. So in looking at these numbers, I shouldn't hold my breath about being pregnant. But of one thing I am 100% positive: God's sovereign will will be done. If this results in no pregnancy, God will be glorified. If this results in a singlet birth or twins or yes, even triplets, God will be glorified.

On a practical note, if you are praying for us, here are some specifics:

1. Protection of our family while we are gone and grace to Gary and Kyla as they take care of everyone here.
2. Traveling protection for us.
3. Of course, the transfer.
4. My health. I have been struggling with hives and swelling and we can't figure out where it is coming from.

Soli Deo Gloria!